Bring Back Mass-Market Paperbacks

I’m half tempted to post this title and be done with it. A statement into the ether. Something I hope the aliens pick up as they listen in to all our ramblings and dreams. Or a phrase that shot across the screen of someone on the brink starting a business who would see it and, cigar in mouth, yell, “This kids’ on to something!” All ideas are old ideas. Or something like that.

I could start with this: I love used bookstores. I love used books. I mean, if you’re reading a post about mass-markets you have to know what I’m talking about. The feel in your hands. The energy they possess.

What I really love about used books is discovering (read: making things up) things about their previous owners. How reckless they are to dogear. How violent to break a spine. What they used it as a coaster for. All of this is even more beautifully highlighted in the used mass-markets with their crinkled spines and small print. Oh what they must have seen in all those back pockets and handbags.

It brings me joy to see the mass-market carefully loved or ridiculously trashed. I’ve seen places trying to sell me a mass-market that’s clearly been on the wrong end of a blunted lawnmower for as many dollars as it was new. I’ve seen other places leave these gorgeous pocket buddies outside their store for fifty cents or free. I once went to a house party where the host had constructed mini bookshelves for bigger books out of loads of mass-markets. When I asked what she does when she wants to read one near the bottom she said, “I don’t.”

Which is another place I could have started: where did these little friends go? I rarely see one of these squat square burly buns out in the wild at new bookstores. Its all painted edges and shiny covers and collectors’ editions of reprints. Which all reminds me of superhero comics in the 90s and that went just fine, no problems there what-so-ever.

But still, where’d they go? I could look it up, but I want to live in the wonder. Paper prices? People not buying them anymore? A perceived lack of reading? I mean has anyone explored whether it was the removal of mass-markets that you could hold in one hand driving down the highway going 80 while eating your bagel in the other that made people read less? I feel like there’s a connection here.

I think about mass-markets a lot. But, what brings me to it today is a book that was suggested during one of the book clubs I’m in. We all take turns suggesting different sci-fi or fantasy books to read for this writer’s support group and the Warhammer 40K book, Watchers of the Throne: The Emperor’s Legion, was suggested. I’d never read any 40k, I’m a tabletop fantasy Warhammer gentleman myself (Chaos Undivided if you must know, though I’m quite partial to the Lizardmen), but I had seen them before. Everywhere. Especially in those used bookstores.

I also used to see them all the time at Walden Books at my local mall. You remember Walden Books? Who wants to bring that and KB Toys back, am I right? I’m interested in the assistant manager position.

So, I thought to myself that this would be a great reading experiment. To be honest, I cut my teeth reading some R.A. Salvatore and Magic the Gathering novels when I was young and had semi-recently started picking up some collections of old fantasy Warhammer books. This sounded like a fun adventure. It sounded like something I could tell my students and they’d groan and go, “Please go read some Colleen Hoover” and we’d all giggle. I also thought that getting this book would be as easy as swinging by my local library. They must have stacks of these things propping up old chairs and tables which I will never admit I’ve done before.

But no dice. The one library who had the book (only one in Illinois!), refused to loan it to me. I figured this had something to do with a previous run in with interlibrary loan, where I had spilt a little water on the cover of K.J. Bishop’s The Etched City. It wasn’t this though because I mentioned it and the library smiled and told me that book never existed in Ba Sing Se. I moved on.

My independent bookstore was next and the woman who owns it laughed at me saying, “Why would you read this?” It was a fair question and we’re friendly so I told her it was for book club. “Weird choice” she said as she looked for it and said, “It is not available anywhere.” At this point I was concerned the book didn’t actually exist so I jumped on the old internet (which maybe should have been the first stop for me but I live in a B-horror movie from 2003 where cell phones don’t really function the way they’re supposed to. Take it up with T-Mobile).

And this is where I really came to the conclusion that mass-markets needed a comeback. On the site bent on stealing your money and your soul, Amazon, the book is listed at $1,499 for a hardcover and $99 for soft. Yep. Both used. I could get the ebook for a breezy $9.99 but reading online for too long gives me a headache and makes my eyes bloodshot. I was built for the analog world.

I was distraught by this, genuinely. I mean, I get rare books and all but these books, this series, are made to be the anti-rare book. They were made cheaply for us tabletop gamers to shove in our back pockets or stack in bins that eventually showed up in my father’s basement when his friends were done with them or read on our lunch breaks. I want to be clear here that I don’t see this as a bad thing. We need books of all colors and shapes and sizes and to be what they need to be. That might sound sarcastic but a world without poetry, without romance, without academic tomes is a world I wouldn’t want to live in. Same goes for fictional religious military dictatorships in space.

Why isn’t there a nice machine that takes your book order, prints out that beautiful sucker, binds it cheaply, and sends it on its way to you so you can devour it, bring it to a used bookstore for a few cents off the next Jonathan Franzen book you won’t read, and then sit there until some teen is like, “Demons in space? Hell yea. I have 2 bucks,” and nature’s cycle begins anew? I’m sure there’s a legit reason but again I like to live in fantasy regarding these square beauties.

It just seems like a solid use for mass-markets. An actual sign of technological progress. Or just what would be most convenient for me. And, truly, shouldn’t everything be more convenient for me?

I know that you might be curious if I liked the 40k book and whether its worth reading yourself. I will say that it is not worth $1.5k or $99. That’s absurd. But, I’ve read books that entertained me less and I’ve read books hyped up by people that fell more flat. I felt like knowing nothing about Space Marines (okay not nothing, I’ve seen their pretty neat figures) didn’t hamper me too much but knowing a bit about Warhammer generally gave me some insights others might not have. So, it was difficult to follow every moment but I also didn’t mind that I didn’t follow everything. Not everything is written just for me (unfortunately).

My favorite part is that these philosopher-warrior angels (please don’t come at me. I know they’re called Custodians but like, they’re angel-like) write down names that they are given/earn on the inside of the armor they never take off. Unless, I guess, they’re writing their new names on the inside. This feels like something you include in a book because you think its cool and don’t care what other people think. I like that. I like imagining all the student reviews I’ve ever had etched inside my armor.

I would like it even better if it was in a mass-market paperback, though.