Public Service Announcement: Writing, Guilt, and Other Obvious Things
One of the joys of going to therapy has been that my previous therapist would say things to me that were so painfully obvious, so absurdly clear, that I would feel embarrassed that I needed to hear them. But what she talked about afterwards was the part that stuck with me; sometimes we need to hear the painfully obvious from someone else. Personally, I think it helps if we’re paying that person. When my friends say it I think, “Oh you love me, of course you’d say that.” When the therapist says it I think, “Oh. Yea. I guess that’s what you charge the money for huh?”
This past month has turned into one of those times when I need to repeat incredibly obvious things to myself. It’s been one of the more difficult I’ve had when it comes to work, writing, life, and the delicate balance of it all. It’s not nearly as bad as having a newborn, but I was younger then and felt like the world of writing and publishing was a couple steps in front of me. Now, getting closer and closer to forty, I don’t always feel the same. Which is to say that I haven’t been writing much and when I have been it’s been difficult to pull anything out that felt coherent or like I was procrastinating doing my job.
So, I’ve been repeating a lot of obvious things to myself that I know from years of writing and years of advice I’ve received from smarter people than me (and of course from books!) which have helped me make it partially through this dry spell that I’ve been in. And, since I’ve been finding these helpful (plus I have been struggling mightily with what I wanted to write for this website in September), I thought about repeating them here, in no particular order, in case you need them too.
Here are some friendly PSA’s from one writer to the rest of you out there.
1. Sometimes the writing flows from us like burst sewer line in our back yard that we then have to spend weeks, month, years cleaning up. Sometimes the writing is stagnant and stale like the glass of water my kid hid in their bedroom for 3 weeks.
2. It’s okay that you’re not writing. The writing will return.
3. Writing is all about the long game. Letting things sit or rest is helpful.
4. Taking the time to consider why you write beyond “getting published” or having others read your work will help get you through the times when submissions dry up, opportunities become more spare, resources (personal, financial, ect) become harder to come by. It’s good to have joy or pleasure or the love of the game to fall back on sometimes.
5. It’s okay if you’re not writing. Seriously. You’re still a writer. It will return.
6. If you need to “accomplish” something, set a super small goal. This is especially for the friendo’s out there, like me, who might have anxiety. Small, tiny, super little goals help. I was setting goals like writing a sentence and it was wonderful to pop into my journal and do only that.
7. Pay attention to your wins. Shout out to the love of my life for helping me with this and manifesting a poetry acceptance when I was being negative.
8. Persistence goes a hell of a long way. But persistence is something that takes a long ass time. Patience is helpful here.
9. If you’re not resting, you can’t do the thing you want to do. Burnout is real.
10. It’s okay to take a break. Really. It is. Give yourself some grace.
Maybe you needed to hear that obviousness. I know I still do.
I hope that however this finds you that you’re taking care of yourself in the best way possible. I hope to start getting back into the writing as soon as possible but, in the meantime, I will rest and recover and hopefully write a little with a little more joy, a little more heart, and a lot more skill the next time around.
Keep it juxtaposed my friends.
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